Akatsuki CrackMania
by The Lone Scarlet Shadow
Summary: Everybody thinks the famous Akatsuki are just a group of bloody criminals that sulk and kill all day! But your wrong! This is a normal day in akatsuki...Let the games begin! Muahahaha!  Rated M for Foul words and CRACK!  Enjoy  ;3


_**Disclaimer: Hey everybody! Scarlet here! This is my first fanfic so please no flames! I hope you enjoy it! This is full of yummy akatsuki-fide CRACK! O-O Yush…So Dei-dei! Say the disclaimer!**_

_**Deidara:WHAT? Why me?**_

_**Scarlet: do it….Or else ill take your secret stash of Play-Doh…_**_

_**Deidara: Ugh…Fine! The Lone Scarlet Shadow doesn't own Naruto or any characters mentioned here….Thank God to that! She also doesn't own any of the songs sang in this fic! They belong to (in order of appearance) Natasha Bedingfield, Haddaway, Chordettes and Three Days Grace.**_

_**Scarlet: TT^TT sadly its true…*cries*…anyways…ON WITH THE CRACK FILLED JOY! MUAHAHA!**_

Sasori sat on the couch, preparing to start reading his book called, 'Humans And Puppets Alike'. He got into a comfortable position while opening the book to it's first chapter but then he heard a rather loud crashing sound, followed by a girly scream and a slapping sound.

"Those stupid bakas. Can't be a single second without breaking something." Sasori said as he stood up and put the book on the coffee table angrily. He started his way into the kitchen where he found a broken cookie jar scattered on the newly polished floor.

"Damn it, Tobi! I swear I'm gonna blow you up in your sleep, Un!" Yelled a rather pissed off Deidara.

"B-But Deidara-Sempai! Tobi wanted to get a Cookie! Tobi was too short to reach the cookie jar so Tobi jumped over the counter to get it but, the cookie jar fell and hit Tobi in the face!" Tobi said while chibi crying. "Tobi is a Good-Boy! Tobi thinks the cookie jar is possessed by the victims of Hidan's sacrifices! Tobi knows it wasn't Tobi's fault!" He wailed while running around the kitchen and swiftly out of the door, escaping the scene.

Deidara growled in irritation as he glared at the broken cookie jar. Thought of how he would blow him into oblivion raced around in his head.

"Your cleaning that up." Sasori said casually as he walked away from his blond gender confusing partner.

Deidara growled furiously as he snapped the broom into his hands. He began to sweep the debree. "I swear, Tobi. If I can get my hands on you, you're dead as a doornail!" Deidara yelled facing the roof where Tobi's floor was.

_Hidan's POV_

"Fucking assholes, interrupting me from praying to Jashin-Sama..." I mumbled under my breath as I heard that childish bitch Tobi run to his room, screaming something about the fucking souls of my victims being trapped in a evil cookie jar. "Tsk, little bitch doesn't know what he is getting into." I mumbled as I slowly got up and walked out of my room, only to bump into Itachi…..BIG MISTAKE!.

_Normal POV_

Itachi was wearing some rather strange round hippie glasses as he bumped into Hidan in the hallway.

"Hey, watch it you phsycotic blind emo!" Hidan yelled as he pushed Itachi back. "Hidan, only got one thing to say…" Itachi said in a serious tone.

"Yeah?"Asked Hidan, getting a strange feeling about this.

"Hidan, Buddy, Amigo, Compadre..." Itachi grabbed Hidan's cloak in his fists and bought his face to Hidan's, their noses practically touching. Hidan could have sworn he was going to whisper something because of his expression. "Where is Sharold?" He screamed at the top of his lungs, which to Hidan's dismay, was a lot. His hippie accent was slurred and messed up.

"What the fuck? Did you fucking smoke CHEEZ-Its again?" Hidan shouted in annoyance.

Itachi gave him a sloppy grin as he wrapped his arm around Hidan's shoulders. "Heh…Why don't we go for a nice walk and I'll explain to you the ways of _love_!" Itachi said while swaying a bit.

Hidan's eye twitched in irritation as he pushed Itachi off of him and into a wall violently. He turned his back at him and growled. "You fucking homo! Stop your fucking druggy pedophile ways before I fucking sacrifice you to Jashin-sama!"

He stormed into the kitchen to see Deidara sitting on the floor, making a clay cookie jar. "The fuck? What are you doing you she-man?" He asked bewildered while looking at Deidara weirdly.

"Shut. The fuck. Up!" Deidara snapped between gritted teeth. "I'm going to create a cookie jar out of clay so when that little fagot walks up to it, he'll explode in a wondrous bang!" He mumbled sadistically.

Hidan slowly backed away from him. "Damn, this place is filled with freaks! I better leave and go make sacrifices for Jashin-Sama before I lose it and sacrifice these psychos!" Hidan growled as he grabbed his scythe from the broom closet and stormed out of the hideout to some random village to vent his anger on the poor saps.

_Sasori's POV_

"Its so interesting how the human body has the same structure as puppets do. This will help me a lot, for when I get the new body for my puppet collection." I said as I analyzed the information and diagrams in the book. "Maybe I shou-!" I mumble to myself but I get interrupted by Tobi, who was hiding something behind his back.

"Sasori-Sempai, I got something to show you!" Tobi chanted gleefully.

"What is it? What do you want? I'm kinda busy here." I snapped in annoyance, not feeling quite patient today.

"Look! Tobi thought that you could turn this into a puppet for Tobi!" He said as he shoved a plush doll into my face.

I grabbed it, examining it, only to start feeling light-headed as my eyes widened. " T-Tobi, w-where did you g-get this?" I asked in pure horror.

"Tobi found it in the trash outside Sasori-sempai's room!" His face fell in worry. "What's wrong? Tobi wants to know why Sasori-sempai is looking pale!" Tobi said frantically while examining my pale face.

I jumped to my feet and flung the doll into the farthest wall while screaming. "Holy shit! The Satanic doll is haunting me again! Get it the fuck away from me!" I hid behind the couch.

"Hey! Why did you throw away Tobi's new Barney doll away?" He yelled as he went to go get it.

I took this as my chance to escape. I grabbed my book and dashed full speed to my room. I locked myself in it, and sat in a corner of my room, rocking my self back and forth. "Its coming to get me…It's gonna kill me…N-No…Its haunting me again…T-That cursed doll…S-Stupid show…S-Stupid family…Damn you, Spawn of Satan!" I screamed as I clutched my head, and pulled my hair a bit, trying to get rid of my horrible childhood.

_Kisame's POV_

I stood at the coffee table coolly and leaned closer to her. I flashed her my charming grin. "Hey babe, how's about you and I go grab us some bait?" I said huskily as I wiggled my eyebrows. "You and I, we make a great duo, babe. You look hot in orange, brings out your natural color, which is beautiful by the way." I winked at her. Then, my expression shifted from charming to 'all hell broke loose'. "The fuck, woman? What do you mean you 'already have a boyfriend'?" I fumed angrily. "You fucking whore! Two timing bitch! I thought we really shared something here! But no, I'm just another hook to hang onto before you trick me and wiggle out of it, swimming away into the ocean with that shark of yours! Well, there may be other fish in the sea, but you sure as hell won't find anyone like me!" I yelled, holding back my salty tears. I glared into the fishbowl straight at her. "You're not worthy to call yourself a goldfish! You're fucking yellow!" I cried out as I stormed away.

_Zetsu's POV_

"I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine. I got a love and I know that it's all mine, oh, oh, oh, oh! Do what you want but you're never gonna break me, sticks and stones are never gonna shake me, oh, oh, oh, oh!" I sang happily as I practically skipped through my personal green-house, feeling all happy inside because there was a nice sunshine shining on my beautiful flowers.

_Kakuzu's POV_

"Come on! One more number, one more number!" I yelled at the TV as I waited for the last number in the lottery to appear. "Come _on_! I just need the number '5' to appear so I can be stinking rich! Come on!" I screamed at the TV impatiently as the last number appeared. I flung the remote at the TV when it turned out to be a '6'. "God damn it! That's fixed, bitch! That's supposed to be a fucking five! Lady, you better fix that before I snap your neck!" I yelled as I kicked the table that was in front of the TV. I growled and stormed away to count my money in my room, as therapy.

_Konan's POV_

I took some empty slips of paper as I started bending and twisting them to form different types of origami but I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Itachi stumbling into my room. "Oh dear Jashin, not again!" I said as my eye twitched at the sight before me.

_Itachi's POV_

"What is love? Oh baby, don't hurt me! Don't hurt me, no more! What is love? Oh baby, don't hurt me, Don't hurt me, no more!" I sang as I crashed into some unknown door, and it ended up being Konan's room. I couldn't hold in my laughter. "Konan, Shut up and sleep with me! Come on, why don't you sleep with me! Shut up and sleep with me! Come on, uh huh and sleep with me!" I purred at Konan . I was oblivious to what she did next. She grabbed a book, trudged up to me and sure enough, she whacked me straight on. I fell to the ground, unconscious.

"Yup, he totally smoked CHEEZ-Its again. But the real question is, how does he find them in the top secret hiding spot?" Konan wondered as she dragged me by my leg to God knows what forsaken place.

_Pein's POV_

"I think it's time to put on my theme song…" I said as I turned on the stereo and started singing along with the song. "Pain, without love. Pain, I can't get enough, Pain, I like it rough cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all..." I sang but stopped when I saw Konan standing in front of my room, pulling a unconscious Itachi by his leg. "Not you too! Whats up with you people today? Singing random songs, what the hell?" She yelled at me as she slammed the door shut, so I just shrugged and kept singing.

_And finally….Tobi's POV_

"Lollipop, Lollipop, Oh Lolli, Lolli, Lolli, Lollipop, Lollipop, Oh Lolli, Lolli, Lolli, Lollipop, Lollipop, Oh Lolli, Lolli, Lolli, Lollipop!" I sang as I sat on the floor writing down my plan to take over the Akatsuki and ruling the world. I stopped my writing to make the famous 'pop' in the song. I heard somebody try to open my door so I grabbed a blank page to cover up my plan, and attack plans, and started making crappy flowers on the blank page just in time for Konan to open my door.

"Everything alright, Tobi? You're awfully quiet." She asked while dropping Itachi on the floor.

"Tobi is supper happy and fine Flower-Chan! Tobi is just making pretty little flowers! See?" I said in a fake childish voice as I shoved the paper in her face innocently.

"Alright! Dinner will be ready later, I just need to take Itachi back to his room. See you later, Tobi." She said while grabbing Itachi again and dragging him to his room, closing my door behind her.

I cleared mt throat. "That was a close one." I chuckled darkly. "Bitches gonna die tonight!" I said in my normal voice which, sometimes, spooked myself.

_Normal POV_

The Akatsuki sure didn't have the least idea of what was going to happen...very soon. Lets see who will survive, if anyone! 'Till next time! This has been, _**AKATSUKI CRACK MANIA!**_

_**Please R & R! You shall all get a Evil Cookie Jar!**_

_**-The Lone Scarlet Shadow**_

_**SPECIAL THANKS TO SHADOW THE WOLF MISTRESS FOR HELPING ME WITH THIS STORY! YOU'RE A LIFE SAVER!**_


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